Improver Roadmap, Part 2 of 3: Encouragement through Community
Transcript
00:00:01 Justin Winstead
Well, hello and welcome back to the Improver Network podcast.
00:00:04 Justin Winstead
Here we are on episode 3 and episode 3 is part two of three in the series that we're in on a model for improvement and a three prong approach to just making your life making your business better.
00:00:18 Justin Winstead
And so last week we talked about this.
00:00:21 Justin Winstead
Idea of the content and how what you put in influences what comes out and why.
00:00:25 Justin Winstead
It's really important to make sure you're putting the right content.
00:00:28 Justin Winstead
In this week, we're really going to be focusing on community.
00:00:32 Justin Winstead
It's our favorite.
00:00:33 Justin Winstead
Yes, I know we were kind of discussing earlier how we could probably just go on for hours on this, but we're not going to make this podcast hours as a favor to our listeners.
00:00:41 Kinzie Harvell
You're welcome.
00:00:41 Justin Winstead
We're going to spare you, but we're really excited about this topic.
00:00:46 Justin Winstead
'cause it's made such a huge impact.
00:00:48 Justin Winstead
You know there's an old saying it's been around for quite some time that says you're going to be the same person 10 years from now that.
00:00:54 Justin Winstead
You are today, except for the books you read and the people you meet.
00:00:58 Justin Winstead
You've heard that before.
00:00:59 Justin Winstead
Yep, yeah, I think I think that makes a lot of sense, but to me it needs maybe just a little bit of refinement, especially in our current day and age.
00:01:07 Justin Winstead
'cause really?
00:01:08 Justin Winstead
You know books and information is readily available with the click of a mouse or a tap of a phone.
00:01:14 Justin Winstead
You can really get access to any data or tips or facts that are out there, so information is out there and then also people to meet are out there.
00:01:22 Justin Winstead
Networking is man, it's just social networking.
00:01:26 Justin Winstead
Online networking has really changed.
00:01:28 Justin Winstead
Game on meeting people and so you can connect with someone in moments around the globe.
00:01:34 Justin Winstead
And so it's incredible.
00:01:36 Justin Winstead
But yet we are still in this weird stage where we've got more information than we've ever had, and we've got the ability to make new introductions and build start relationships easier than ever.
00:01:48 Justin Winstead
But yet it's not happening.
00:01:50 Justin Winstead
Seems like people are lacking wisdom.
00:01:52 Justin Winstead
They're lacking the knowledge that they need, and they're lacking the real connection.
00:01:55 Justin Winstead
And that's why I think that that phrase instead of thinking about the books you read and the people you meet would be better stated.
00:02:00 Justin Winstead
It's really about the content.
00:02:02 Justin Winstead
That you're learning and absorbing, and it's about the real connections that you're making.
00:02:07 Justin Winstead
But there's real relationships, so if you want to change the trajectory of your life over the next 10 years, you've got to change the content you're putting in, and you've got to change the community that you're around.
00:02:18 Justin Winstead
The people that are in your circle, and the relationships that are closest to you.
00:02:22 Kinzie Harvell
Right, you want a community that has the same goals as you.
00:02:26 Kinzie Harvell
It's that has the same mindset that you do and I was just thinking we we are in a.
00:02:32 Kinzie Harvell
We're in a time period where we replace connections with information, so we.
00:02:36 Kinzie Harvell
Know a lot about a lot.
00:02:37 Kinzie Harvell
Of people, but we're choosing not to necessarily connect deeply with them.
00:02:42 Justin Winstead
Yeah, and that's really what we want to encourage today and talk about in that.
00:02:45 Justin Winstead
And if last week when we talked about content being related to the head and really the way of doing that is to make sure you're getting the right enlightenment.
00:02:53 Justin Winstead
The right education on it today community is really dealing with the heart now.
00:02:57 Justin Winstead
Community affects what's in your head right?
00:02:59 Justin Winstead
I mean.
00:03:00 Justin Winstead
You get in the right community.
00:03:01 Justin Winstead
They'll help you learn things, but really, community is a hard thing.
00:03:03 Justin Winstead
'cause it's all about relationships, relationship.
00:03:05 Kinzie Harvell
Right kind of.
00:03:06 Justin Winstead
Go ahead.
00:03:07 Kinzie Harvell
Yeah, just kind of refining those rough edges.
00:03:09 Justin Winstead
That's exactly right.
00:03:10 Justin Winstead
'cause at the end of the day you don't want to think about relationships in a logical.
00:03:13 Justin Winstead
This isn't you pulling out your spreadsheet and making a calculation out of it.
00:03:17 Justin Winstead
Relationships are really what encourages your spirit.
00:03:22 Justin Winstead
What lifts you up?
00:03:23 Justin Winstead
What helps you to stay in line with your per?
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'cause the like mindedness and unity there.
00:03:27 Justin Winstead
And that's more than just a mathematical calculation.
00:03:29 Kinzie Harvell
Right?
00:03:30 Justin Winstead
Or you know the pros and cons lists of like I think this person should be my friend 'cause it just makes sense you know.
00:03:35 Kinzie Harvell
Right, it tends to happen organically as you find out similarities between yourselves.
00:03:39 Justin Winstead
Yeah, and so this is so important because really, the opposite of community.
00:03:44 Justin Winstead
It means a lot of things.
00:03:45 Justin Winstead
But really, loneliness isolation.
00:03:47 Justin Winstead
Yeah, that isolation and loneliness, and I think more now than ever in light of the pandemic that the whole globe has been through over the past couple of years has really just super chill.
00:03:59 Justin Winstead
Charged the loneliness that a lot of people feel and I'm sure you've seen this and probably talk with people.
00:04:05 Kinzie Harvell
And you know, I've seen I've seen it with my own children with their social media.
00:04:09 Kinzie Harvell
They tend to think that that's that's a community.
00:04:12 Kinzie Harvell
And and it's this false pretense that just because you're connected online means that you're in a deep relationship with somebody, and that you're allowing them into your life.
00:04:21 Justin Winstead
Yeah, there's a 2021 social Pro Now poll that came out the end of the year that found that 36% of Americans say they felt more lonely now than ever, and that's that.
00:04:32 Justin Winstead
Doesn't mean that's just the only ones that felt lonely, but they feel more lonely now than they ever have.
00:04:36 Justin Winstead
And that was at the end of 2021 as we've gone into 2022 and we're experiencing this year. You know, there's.
00:04:41 Justin Winstead
Inflation is up, gas prices is up.
00:04:44 Justin Winstead
You know, sometimes in places people their wages are down.
00:04:47 Justin Winstead
The real estate market is having a correction right now, and so this is even magnifying in some people situation.
00:04:55 Justin Winstead
This loneliness factor.
00:04:57 Justin Winstead
Now, one of the people that I'm a fan of is Doctor John Deloney.
00:05:01 Justin Winstead
We call him double doctorate John because he's got two doctorate degrees.
00:05:04 Justin Winstead
He's an author or mental health expert, host of the Doctor John Deloney Show. He does have those two PHD's and one of the quotes that he shares in his book is loneliness is the chief enemy of our modern world.
00:05:17 Justin Winstead
When we're lonely, we make up stories about why we're hurting.
00:05:21 Justin Winstead
And then connection heals anxiety.
00:05:23 Justin Winstead
So when you first hear that quote what comes to mind for you when you think about this idea of loneliness versus connection, you keep mentioning deep connections.
00:05:32 Justin Winstead
Well, what sticks out to you about that?
00:05:34 Kinzie Harvell
The first thing I think of is when he says we make up stories about why we're hurting is once again.
00:05:40 Kinzie Harvell
I think I referenced it a couple podcasts ago the the book crucial conversations and how we make up conversations in our.
00:05:46 Kinzie Harvell
Head about why we're filling this way or we justify our opinions or our perspectives.
00:05:51 Kinzie Harvell
So when we're in a community, though, a lot of times those perspectives are righted by somebody else who's able to see it from an outside view and able to see both both parties and so.
00:06:04 Kinzie Harvell
Connection heals anxiety.
00:06:06 Kinzie Harvell
If you're able to.
00:06:06 Kinzie Harvell
Verbally process something out loud in the community.
00:06:09 Kinzie Harvell
We always talk about in our home that allowing our children.
00:06:13 Kinzie Harvell
To speak and tell us their ideas allows us to correct kind of bad theology, but if we're not willing to listen and be a part of a community, then sometimes these things we're thinking don't verbally don't ever get verbally said.
00:06:26 Kinzie Harvell
And then we're not able to have them corrected in in iron sharpens iron.
00:06:29 Kinzie Harvell
We always need refinement and correction, and that's what you get in a community.
00:06:33 Justin Winstead
Yeah, because otherwise we magnify those things and we just think man I'm so horrible at this or this thing was such a mistake or I failed at this thing.
00:06:42 Justin Winstead
But then whenever someone else tastes that meal or looks at that art, they're like wow.
00:06:46 Justin Winstead
This is amazing.
00:06:47 Justin Winstead
And you go, wow, I just had made up this whole thing about how bad life was or this thing was, and it really wasn't that bad, but we magnified it and made it made it big.
Right?
00:06:57 Justin Winstead
And so these stories about why we're hurting leads.
00:07:01 Justin Winstead
Lisa, that anxiety?
00:07:03 Justin Winstead
There's another book out there, by Jon Acuff and would really recommend this to you.
00:07:07 Justin Winstead
It's called soundtracks and I love the premise of it.
00:07:08 Kinzie Harvell
Oh I love soundtrack.
00:07:09 Justin Winstead
'cause it deals like you know this idea that we play these soundtracks in our mind and we tell ourselves these stories over and over again.
00:07:18 Justin Winstead
And really, those stories many times shape our actions and like we discussed on our last episode, your actions lead to habits over time and your habits.
00:07:27 Justin Winstead
Or it lead to the results.
00:07:28 Justin Winstead
So if you want different results, you gotta change your habits, which means changing your actions, which means changing those stories that you say in community can help you write more.
00:07:38 Justin Winstead
Accurate stories really grow.
00:07:40 Kinzie Harvell
Correct, yeah?
00:07:41 Justin Winstead
On them in truth, 'cause none of us have the corner of the truth in our own, like our truth is not the right truth, right?
00:07:48 Justin Winstead
It doesn't just because we think it's true doesn't make it true, so by having other people around us, they can say no, you're actually you're actually off on that one, so they can write that.
00:07:57 Justin Winstead
What else about that quote really sticks out to you?
00:08:01 Kinzie Harvell
Well, it says it's the chief enemy of our modern world, and if we're going to talk about the enemy, we know that.
00:08:08 Kinzie Harvell
You know the adversary, Satan.
00:08:09 Kinzie Harvell
He loves to isolate us.
00:08:11 Kinzie Harvell
It's it describes another prowling lions.
00:08:14 Kinzie Harvell
And if you know anything about lions, they tend to look for.
00:08:18 Kinzie Harvell
Any animal that is separated from the herd that's not a part of its community because it's not protected, it doesn't have anybody else watching out for it.
00:08:26 Kinzie Harvell
So the line always goes after the one little goat that got separated from the flock.
00:08:33 Justin Winstead
Yeah, absolutely, I'm laughing, but that's kind of sad but right?
00:08:35 Kinzie Harvell
Yeah, well.
00:08:37 Justin Winstead
So yeah, definitely community helps with safety, but not just the physical safety in that illustration, but your emotional safety and security and stability there.
00:08:49 Justin Winstead
So when you think about community can really help us improve several areas of our life and one of the areas that we talk about in Community is this area of purpose.
00:08:58 Justin Winstead
And when you think about purpose, the way we're using that word is to say this is your mission.
00:09:03 Justin Winstead
This is your assignment.
00:09:04 Justin Winstead
This is what you were put on this planet to do, and so is it possible to really live.
00:09:10 Justin Winstead
About your purpose, to the fullest.
00:09:12 Justin Winstead
If you're not living in community.
00:09:16 Kinzie Harvell
I would I.
00:09:16 Kinzie Harvell
Would say no, I don't.
00:09:18 Kinzie Harvell
I don't think so.
00:09:18 Kinzie Harvell
You're not going to have the accountability that you need to reach your purpose.
00:09:21 Kinzie Harvell
If you've set goals for yourself and there's nobody around to hold you to that, I don't know that you can.
00:09:27 Kinzie Harvell
And also you're losing out on a bunch of cheerleaders and support who are going to back you as you reach that purpose.
00:09:32 Kinzie Harvell
If if anything worth doing, it's worth doing right, and that means there's.
00:09:36 Kinzie Harvell
Going to be hard times as you reach towards that purpose and without encouragement from a community.
00:09:41 Kinzie Harvell
You can easily.
00:09:42 Kinzie Harvell
Give up or you can easily set the bar lower for yourself if nobody else knows that you set a high bar or a goal.
00:09:49 Kinzie Harvell
If you haven't reached out to your community to let.
00:09:51 Justin Winstead
Them know absolutely, and I definitely think that if you are trying to live out God's purpose for your life, I don't think you can live that out apart from community.
00:10:01 Justin Winstead
One because everybody purpose always involves others.
00:10:04 Justin Winstead
None of our purposes in life are just me focus.
00:10:07 Justin Winstead
If you think if you look at your purpose statement or what's driving you and what you think you're
00:10:12 Justin Winstead
Reason for being on this planet is and it involves you and your own happiness and just your own desires and everything is wrapped up in you.
00:10:20 Justin Winstead
Then you're really missing the boat anyway, and so your purpose should always involve serving the greater good in some way and serving your fellow man.
00:10:29 Justin Winstead
But even if you know your purpose and you're on the right track.
00:10:32 Justin Winstead
I think you're going to get discouraged.
00:10:33 Justin Winstead
You're going to get distracted and eventually derail.
00:10:36 Justin Winstead
Build from actually fulfilling that purpose if you're not in community.
00:10:40 Kinzie Harvell
And that can I throw in a really good visual for that.
00:10:45 Kinzie Harvell
There are all these networks of roots underground for the, for the really tall.
00:10:50 Kinzie Harvell
Are they the the Sycamore trees, right?
00:10:52 Kinzie Harvell
There's the is it Sequoia or Sycamore?
00:10:54 Justin Winstead
Good morning Sequoia, thanks what you think about those big ones.
00:10:56 Justin Winstead
Especially in California, yeah.
00:10:57 Kinzie Harvell
Yes, the huge.
00:10:59 Kinzie Harvell
Sequoia trees and so you've got to know that they've got these massive root systems underground and what you may not know is that a lot of times these root systems connect, and they're a network underground, and so sometimes they actually send signals to one another.
00:11:12 Kinzie Harvell
Will they'll say, hey, I've got termites come in?
00:11:15 Kinzie Harvell
Or you know something like that, but a lot of times too.
00:11:18 Kinzie Harvell
If the Sequoia root sees that one tree is not getting the amount of nutrients they need, they'll actually break off their own root system to allow another route to grow deeper from another tree, and so that's really this idea of community.
00:11:33 Kinzie Harvell
In a community, if you see somebody.
00:11:36 Kinzie Harvell
Who who needs you?
00:11:38 Kinzie Harvell
Know we say in our community that we're all in the in the seasons of giving and taking, right?
00:11:44 Kinzie Harvell
And maybe right now it's my season to give.
00:11:46 Kinzie Harvell
And then there's going to be a season of taking.
00:11:48 Kinzie Harvell
But if you're not living life in community, you may never be able to be the blessing that somebody needs.
00:11:55 Kinzie Harvell
You may never be able to give.
00:11:57 Kinzie Harvell
And then in the same turn, when it's your when it's your season of taking, somebody else isn't going to be there.
00:12:03 Kinzie Harvell
To bless you and so that root system, I just think is is a perfect.
00:12:07 Kinzie Harvell
Visual of community.
00:12:07 Justin Winstead
Yes no, it makes a lot of sense to me and kind of along with that.
00:12:12 Justin Winstead
Another thing with community that helps reinforce is only your ultimate purpose and how those roots support you in that.
00:12:18 Justin Winstead
But also your principles which are going to be tide in, you know, with your purpose.
00:12:22 Justin Winstead
And I know that in our life you know we've seen that our community helps to shape our values.
00:12:27 Justin Winstead
And what do we hold most important and we have to make decisions in life?
00:12:31 Justin Winstead
And we have to prioritize.
00:12:33 Justin Winstead
And so how do we prioritize?
00:12:35 Justin Winstead
Well, our community obviously affects that.
00:12:39 Justin Winstead
And so I know that in my own life, when I've looked at some of the values that I've been confused about many times, what I could do is I could reach out to those people in community and say, hey, I'm really struggling with this and I don't know if I should go this way or this way and what they're really doing when they give me advice important to me is they're shaping that, and I don't make my decisions based on one other person or even the the majority of people.
00:12:54 Kinzie Harvell
Right?
00:12:59 Justin Winstead
That they do inform.
00:13:00 Justin Winstead
Term and many times what you find is is that if a community has a certain value in there that many times they can help you to discover if that value is for you or not, and so.
00:13:10 Kinzie Harvell
And if you're letting people into your life, then you're allowing them to watch your decisions.
00:13:16 Kinzie Harvell
Play out in your life, and so sometimes if we've got to make a decision about what's important to us, what's a priority?
00:13:21 Kinzie Harvell
What is a principle for us?
00:13:23 Kinzie Harvell
We have access to a lot of our friends lives and we can say hey, you know.
00:13:27 Kinzie Harvell
When the wind steads did this.
00:13:29 Kinzie Harvell
We saw the effect, so we're going to follow through and live out that principle as well.
00:13:33 Justin Winstead
Absolutely, you get the benefit of seeing their experiences and the results of those 'cause you know the school Hard Knocks is a very powerful teacher, but we don't always have to go through that.
00:13:43 Justin Winstead
We can.
00:13:44 Justin Winstead
We can learn from our own experiences, but we can also learn from other experiences.
00:13:48 Kinzie Harvell
Right?
00:13:49 Justin Winstead
OK, so really we just talked about how community can help us with our principles and values and also help us stay aligned with our purpose and mission.
00:13:56 Justin Winstead
We've got a couple more things, but let's take a quick break and we'll be right back with you.
00:14:26 Justin Winstead
OK, and we are back continuing our conversation on community and why this matters.
00:14:31 Justin Winstead
If you want to improve and live a healthy life as an improver, so we had already talked about how community can assist us and stay in focus on our purpose and on our mission and then how it also can affirm and help us strengthen our values and bring clarity.
00:14:47 Justin Winstead
Another big area is how community affects our passion and how this gives us energy and it re fuels us in that.
00:14:54 Justin Winstead
And I know that again, we've talked several times on.
00:14:56 Justin Winstead
This call about.
00:14:57 Justin Winstead
Our families being in community together along with some other families.
00:15:01 Justin Winstead
So whenever we think about refueling and re energizing like can you think of an example of where we've?
00:15:07 Justin Winstead
Actually had that happen.
00:15:09 Kinzie Harvell
Yeah, for us for Adam and our families, our blood relatives.
00:15:14 Kinzie Harvell
They're all the way out.
00:15:16 Kinzie Harvell
Alabama and so for us. When we first moved here holidays were kind of sad for us. We didn't have anybody to celebrate Father's Day with. And Easter and Saint Patrick Day in the 4th of July, but all of a sudden we threw ourselves into a community at church with people with the same principles and values. And now we really look.
00:15:36 Kinzie Harvell
Forward to these holidays because.
00:15:38 Kinzie Harvell
We we normally host the 4th of July.
00:15:41 Kinzie Harvell
We have another family.
00:15:41 Kinzie Harvell
He normally hosts the Kentucky Derby.
00:15:43 Kinzie Harvell
I know that's on a holiday, but it gives you reasons to be excited and to want to celebrate and to really re energize.
00:15:50 Justin Winstead
Yeah, and you know, we don't even call you guys our friends, right?
00:15:54 Justin Winstead
We say it's family because we're the same way we moved out here and a lot of our family was left back in our original home state.
00:16:00 Justin Winstead
And so you know, our friends kind of got smashed into family and so we've got our family.
00:16:05 Justin Winstead
That's there, but yeah, we get a lot of energy and you know, we talk about passion and energy and being refueled.
00:16:10 Justin Winstead
This is really about just keeping our zeal for life.
00:16:13 Kinzie Harvell
Right?
00:16:13 Justin Winstead
And because if we didn't have that, it's so easy just to get isolated.
00:16:17 Justin Winstead
And then you kind of turn inward and you just spend a lot of time just at home.
00:16:22 Justin Winstead
You know, watching TV, and that's maybe fun for just a little bit.
00:16:25 Justin Winstead
Really, as a lifestyle that doesn't keep you going, it doesn't keep your blood moving.
00:16:30 Justin Winstead
It doesn't keep your energy levels up really.
00:16:33 Justin Winstead
Being able to do recreation together and so little things like going to the park, doing the pool parties.
00:16:38 Justin Winstead
That's a lot of fun, but that those little things add to the excitement and none of them.
00:16:42 Justin Winstead
I think on their own are necessarily life changing.
00:16:47 Justin Winstead
But it's almost like that's the the grease for the wheels that keeps it moving along, and it's like if you take that out all of a sudden things get rougher and it eventually just stops and so there are some of you out there that you really are missing.
00:17:01 Justin Winstead
This you're really missing this.
00:17:04 Justin Winstead
Uhm, this part of having a community that comes alongside and helps to give you energy and you don't know why you feel so down.
00:17:11 Justin Winstead
You don't know why you're so discouraged, but it's because you don't have this community that you're living life with, and you've been trying to do it solo, and so you need to be thinking about that.
00:17:18 Kinzie Harvell
Right?
00:17:20 Justin Winstead
And we're going to give some practical steps in a few moments on how to engage.
00:17:25 Justin Winstead
In community and begin to build.
00:17:26 Justin Winstead
That and if you do have community and you're going, hey I know what you're talking about.
00:17:30 Justin Winstead
I've got friends that we travel together and I've got a neighborhood and we get together and do events and it's exciting and it's encouraging.
00:17:37 Justin Winstead
Then be grateful for that call and tell him thank you.
00:17:40 Justin Winstead
Send him a message and say you know this is gonna be a little bit cheesy, but I'm glad you're my friend like reinforce that.
00:17:47 Justin Winstead
Rate it.
00:17:48 Justin Winstead
And so this whole thing I talk about with community here is not just a broader community where you've got shared values and where you do events and things together, but really, this idea of community and the inner circle, and so the idea of the inner circle is is this is the one that you know.
00:18:02 Justin Winstead
They always have the yes, right?
00:18:03 Justin Winstead
I mean if it's the middle of the night phone call or whatever they're there and.
00:18:08 Justin Winstead
A lot of you out there listening if you had an emergency in the middle of the night.
00:18:11 Justin Winstead
I want you to ask yourself this, do.
00:18:13 Justin Winstead
You have someone that you know you could call.
00:18:16 Justin Winstead
And the truth is, statistically, a lot of you guys don't, and I want to encourage you.
00:18:20 Justin Winstead
You got to start working on deepening some relationships so that you have someone that you can reach out to.
00:18:26 Justin Winstead
If you are in a time of need because your inner circle is there for you and that they're there to provide support in emergencies, there to provide encouragement, they're there to give you.
00:18:36 Justin Winstead
Wisdom there helped you to identify blind spots.
00:18:39 Kinzie Harvell
Right?
00:18:39 Justin Winstead
When you think about an inner circle and some of the people closest to you, what are some other things?
00:18:43 Justin Winstead
Anything else come to mind?
00:18:44 Justin Winstead
That's like they also.
00:18:45 Kinzie Harvell
Do for you.
00:18:46 Kinzie Harvell
Yeah I have.
00:18:47 Kinzie Harvell
I have two women who I know were going to ask me about some of my goals or some of the things I've asked them to hold me accountable to.
00:18:53 Kinzie Harvell
Doing if I'm not ready or willing to give them an answer, then they're going to ask me why and and I love.
00:19:00 Kinzie Harvell
I love those ladies.
00:19:01 Kinzie Harvell
I love the fact that if I say hey I have a doctor's appointment on this day.
00:19:05 Kinzie Harvell
I know that morning I'm going to get a text or a phone call that says I'm praying for you today.
00:19:09 Kinzie Harvell
I need to know what the doctor says.
00:19:11 Kinzie Harvell
I need to know everything I need to.
00:19:13 Kinzie Harvell
Know how I can support?
00:19:14 Kinzie Harvell
You know, I love that these ladies know on this night, you know I'm going to need a meal it's I don't even have to ask.
00:19:21 Kinzie Harvell
They're just so involved in my life that they're they're going ahead and stepping in and being community too.
00:19:27 Justin Winstead
Yes, so that inner circle has a lot of benefits and really you were just talking about accountability on it and your inner circle.
00:19:33 Justin Winstead
You know, these people need to have freedom to ask you questions and to be able to say things that other people can't do.
00:19:39 Justin Winstead
You know, we talked about the yes being on the table, but sometimes your inner circle or the people who they are the ones actually will say no, this isn't right.
00:19:46 Justin Winstead
Or no, I can't do that and they can.
00:19:47 Justin Winstead
Speak, you know honestly with you and they don't have to try to pretend on.
00:19:52 Kinzie Harvell
They're not sugarcoating anything for you.
00:19:53 Justin Winstead
That's right, you know they come out and ask you like, hey, Are you sure about this?
00:19:56 Justin Winstead
Have you really thought about?
00:19:58 Justin Winstead
You know this angle on it, so they are bringing up the other perspectives and helping identify blah.
00:20:02 Kinzie Harvell
Right?
00:20:03 Justin Winstead
Spots they'll just call you out and say, hey, that was wrong.
00:20:05 Justin Winstead
That was inappropriate.
00:20:06 Justin Winstead
Hey, you shouldn't.
00:20:07 Justin Winstead
You shouldn't do that.
00:20:08 Justin Winstead
And so an inner circle is really good for you in that, and so really inner circle provides that accountability.
00:20:14 Justin Winstead
But it also provides a mentorship.
00:20:16 Justin Winstead
It provides encouragement.
00:20:17 Justin Winstead
You need to have cheerleaders in your inner circle at the end of the day, you want people to call you out, but you also want them to be able to affirm.
00:20:23 Justin Winstead
You because they care about you and so inner circle is so important.
00:20:25 Kinzie Harvell
Right?
00:20:27 Justin Winstead
So you got to have this community that you are a part of.
00:20:31 Justin Winstead
That is really like a a circle and the circle, the circle man.
00:20:35 Justin Winstead
You've got some like minded people that you can surround yourself with that you can do bigger events with.
00:20:40 Justin Winstead
That you can encourage and sharpen and things like that.
00:20:43 Justin Winstead
You've got that honor, but then you've got that, a circle that inner circle that's like.
00:20:47 Justin Winstead
These are your closest people, and if you're missing either or both of those, you're just going to find yourself struggling a lot more as you try to improve and make progress as you're going to get discouraged, you're gonna be doing things the wrong way.
00:20:58 Justin Winstead
You're going to be trying to do them alone.
00:21:00 Justin Winstead
And that hinders your ability to actually improve.
00:21:04 Kinzie Harvell
And if I can throw something out there within that inner circle, don't think it has to be.
00:21:09 Kinzie Harvell
Maybe if.
00:21:10 Kinzie Harvell
You're a mom of, you know, elementary age kids.
00:21:13 Kinzie Harvell
It doesn't have to be another mom with elementary age kids.
00:21:17 Kinzie Harvell
One of my.
00:21:18 Kinzie Harvell
Favorite people in the world is an older widow at our church and I go to her for so for so many things.
00:21:26 Kinzie Harvell
I see her as a mentor.
00:21:27 Kinzie Harvell
I see her as part of my inner circle.
00:21:29 Kinzie Harvell
I really appreciate their relationship of me going to her and saying, hey, you've been there, you've done that.
00:21:36 Kinzie Harvell
Just please tell me what you've learned and I just I just gleaned so much wisdom from her and, and I hope that I'm able to provide something back in that relationship.
00:21:45 Justin Winstead
Absolutely yeah.
00:21:47 Justin Winstead
Finding people that are in your life age or stage is really good, but it also is good to go outside of that to be able to get even broader.
00:21:54 Justin Winstead
Other perspectives and I really want to clarify a little bit too.
00:21:57 Justin Winstead
We talk about like minded people being in not only your inner circle but your greater community.
00:22:03 Justin Winstead
This doesn't mean you agree on absolutely everything.
00:22:05 Justin Winstead
It doesn't mean that you share all the same opinions like all the same things, but it does mean there's enough of a common thread that it's holding you together and that it truly is.
00:22:14 Justin Winstead
Community, and that there's care.
00:22:16 Justin Winstead
Here and there is connection there that actually brings you together.
00:22:21 Justin Winstead
So when we think about community, we're seeing how important it is, and we know the we already talked about loneliness as just one of the negative effects.
00:22:30 Justin Winstead
There's other, you know, effects of not living in community that just comes from, you know, having to constantly pay for every service that you need and be able to rely on each other to to support you.
00:22:40 Justin Winstead
Maybe on that and and there's other big.
00:22:42 Justin Winstead
Things with not having community and.
00:22:44 Justin Winstead
But so if people are going look, I see the bad things.
00:22:47 Justin Winstead
I want the good things but but what do I do like I've been burned before like I tried to get into community, I wasn't accepted.
00:22:54 Justin Winstead
Or, you know, I was in a community and I got betrayed or my feelings got hurt or.
00:22:58 Justin Winstead
Or maybe I just couldn't make it happen like I never felt the connection.
00:23:03 Justin Winstead
So we think about habits and actions.
00:23:05 Justin Winstead
Steps that people can take to to give this Community thing a try to give it a try.
00:23:10 Justin Winstead
Again, what could we say on that?
00:23:13 Kinzie Harvell
I would say too if you have been hurt, well, that's because we're humans and that's part of being in Community too.
00:23:19 Kinzie Harvell
It's being willing to forgive and ask for forgiveness, but if you're going to be in community I would say put yourself out there and you know.
00:23:26 Kinzie Harvell
Introduce yourself, invite people over.
00:23:29 Kinzie Harvell
Be willing to host without worrying about what your home looks like.
00:23:33 Kinzie Harvell
Just have people over.
00:23:34 Kinzie Harvell
And invest in them.
00:23:35 Kinzie Harvell
Don't worry about how clean or how big or how fancy your house is.
00:23:39 Kinzie Harvell
Show them that you're interested in them.
00:23:41 Kinzie Harvell
And then just be willing to relate to them and let them know hey, I walk through the same things I.
00:23:46 Kinzie Harvell
I'd love to support you in this area.
00:23:48 Kinzie Harvell
I think it takes a lot of vulnerability.
00:23:50 Kinzie Harvell
I think it just means being willing to just really go deep with somebody you want the connection with them and to show them that and to show them how important.
00:24:01 Kinzie Harvell
Relationships are and what you value.
00:24:04 Justin Winstead
Yeah yeah, and I I love all of what you're saying there.
00:24:07 Justin Winstead
But one of the things that really stuck out to me is the thing you talk about.
00:24:10 Justin Winstead
We feel this pressure that we've got to have everything together before we can invite people in.
00:24:14 Justin Winstead
And you know, the irony is is that if we look at what we appreciate when we're on the receiving end, we appreciate authenticity more than we do Polish.
00:24:24 Justin Winstead
We actually in some ways appreciate it when people are real and they don't have it all together and like we love that on our end, but yet we convince ourselves that if we're seen as not.
00:24:34 Justin Winstead
Perfect in Polish on the other side that people won't accept us and that's that's really just a lie from the enemy and it's something that keeps us from having people oversee it.
Right?
00:24:43 Justin Winstead
Doesn't have to be perfect.
00:24:44 Justin Winstead
Bring them in.
00:24:44 Justin Winstead
Take the initiative.
00:24:46 Justin Winstead
As part of this like yes, you may get let down.
00:24:48 Justin Winstead
There's going to be some people who are going to say no, or maybe they say yes and then don't.
00:24:52 Justin Winstead
Show, but don't let the nose and don't shows get in the way of those who do show, because it could be that you opening your door to some potential friends to some neighbors to someone else.
00:24:56 Kinzie Harvell
Right?
00:25:03 Justin Winstead
That may be the beginning of some relationships that can absolutely change the trajectory of your life, so other than taking initiative, hosting events, any other thing really.
00:25:12 Justin Winstead
Come to mind as far as practical.
00:25:13 Justin Winstead
Steps to take.
00:25:16 Kinzie Harvell
I would say just be be willing to fellowship with one another and be willing to celebrate with people when they have victories and be willing to agree with people when they're grieving.
00:25:26 Kinzie Harvell
It's not always going to be perfect in a community, so the Bible talks about.
00:25:33 Kinzie Harvell
You know there's a time to grieve and there's a time to mourn, and there's a time to.
00:25:36 Kinzie Harvell
Celebrate so be willing to do it all.
00:25:38 Kinzie Harvell
Yeah, absolutely.
00:25:39 Kinzie Harvell
And it is.
00:25:39 Justin Winstead
About doing life together and and.
00:25:41 Justin Winstead
And walking those mountain tops and then going down into those valleys together it tell him makes a difference.
00:25:47 Justin Winstead
Also think about hobbies and things.
00:25:49 Justin Winstead
You may have to learn something new.
00:25:50 Justin Winstead
You know you may have to do something outside of your comfort zone and and that's OK.
00:25:54 Justin Winstead
You know when we travel together or we do different events.
00:25:57 Justin Winstead
Sometimes it's like I'm not really the kind of person who does that, but you do it because.
00:26:01 Justin Winstead
The community and the next thing you know you may really enjoy that or that turned out to be, you know, a fun experience.
00:26:07 Justin Winstead
So those are fun, but also doing simple things like board game nights or or going bowling or something like that can really help to enhance.
00:26:16 Justin Winstead
Unity, so when an improver is thinking about this and they're going OK, you know what I get this, I can make those steps and I can do that.
00:26:25 Justin Winstead
What does that have to do though?
00:26:26 Justin Winstead
With the improver network and the fact that we're building network, and we're seeing this is one of our three pronged approach to helping improvers improve so when we think about.
00:26:37 Justin Winstead
Community there.
00:26:37 Justin Winstead
There we've got a few different benefits that we have there, and one of those would be is that we do open coaching calls and I know you've taken a part in these types of coaching calls before and these are virtual.
00:26:49 Justin Winstead
We do have some groups that sometimes meet in person, but a lot of these are virtual and So what has been something you've picked up on being on these virtual coaching calls?
00:26:57 Justin Winstead
With other people in the community.
00:26:59 Kinzie Harvell
I've really been re energized after these calls and so one part of community is that they're refueling you or they're kind of igniting this.
00:27:07 Kinzie Harvell
This passion, and maybe there's been something that you just couldn't get your head around and therefore you lost your passion and you gave up on it.
00:27:14 Kinzie Harvell
Well, being apart of this virtual call just allowed me to see all these.
00:27:19 Kinzie Harvell
These great things that these other people were pursuing and kind of refuelled and reignited my love.
00:27:25 Kinzie Harvell
For one thing I was.
00:27:26 Kinzie Harvell
I was I wanted to learn another language but I just didn't know how and just hearing how some of these these other women were taking large steps to grow a business or or do impossible things.
00:27:37 Kinzie Harvell
I thought surely I can, I can get back into the swing of of spending 10 minutes a day on a language so just little things like that.
00:27:44 Kinzie Harvell
But also seeing that.
00:27:47 Kinzie Harvell
They're in this culture sometimes I feel like nobody else has the same principles that we hold so dearly.
00:27:55 Kinzie Harvell
Or maybe they don't feel as passionately as I do, but being on these calls, it really just reminded me that there are like minded people.
00:28:03 Justin Winstead
You're not alone.
00:28:04 Justin Winstead
That's such a big message 'cause it's so easy to feel like we're alone in, especially when it comes to our values.
00:28:04 Kinzie Harvell
Yeah, out there.
00:28:10 Justin Winstead
Like man, nobody else holds important.
00:28:12 Justin Winstead
What I do, and so it's great.
00:28:13 Justin Winstead
When you meet somebody else and you share.
00:28:15 Justin Winstead
Hear that so yeah, so those are some benefits of definitely those those calls, and those are just our open coach calls.
00:28:21 Justin Winstead
We actually have something called maps, croots, and when you think about a map, what does it help you to do when you're traveling helps you get from point A?
00:28:27 Kinzie Harvell
88
00:28:28 Justin Winstead
To point B right?
00:28:29 Kinzie Harvell
The fastest way, yes.
00:28:29 Justin Winstead
The fastest, most efficient way you really want to map that out according or it may not be the faster efficient, but it's.
00:28:35 Justin Winstead
Whatever way you deem most important, so maybe if you want to take the scenic route or.
00:28:36 Kinzie Harvell
Right?
00:28:38 Kinzie Harvell
The round yeah.
00:28:40 Justin Winstead
What have you?
00:28:40 Justin Winstead
So it's identifying that right destination and also the right directions to get there, but maps also, you know, help you to avoid detours you know.
00:28:48 Justin Winstead
I love, you know I can't all the whole paper amounts out there.
00:28:52 Justin Winstead
They couldn't account for the detours and stuff, but Google Maps and all is so cool now because, you know, it shows you well.
00:28:55 Kinzie Harvell
Right?
00:28:57 Justin Winstead
That's part of what our maps groups do.
00:28:59 Justin Winstead
Is they always say you're at point A.
00:29:01 Justin Winstead
And you're trying to get to point B.
00:29:02 Justin Winstead
What are the steps you need to take to get there?
00:29:05 Justin Winstead
How can I help you with that?
00:29:06 Justin Winstead
How can I help you to, you know, avoid those detours and overcome the hazards in the road.
00:29:11 Justin Winstead
Maps groups help with just the directions and signs along the way.
00:29:15 Justin Winstead
They help to give encouragement as we hit bumps in the road and we go through storms on our journey and then also these maps groups are great 'cause we share the journey together, you know wherever you're going in life, the destination will be great if you reach it I'm sure, but you know, it makes it better.
00:29:23 Kinzie Harvell
Right?
00:29:31 Justin Winstead
It's taking people along with you and being able to share in that experience, and so that's what these maps groups do.
00:29:36 Justin Winstead
So part of how the improver network comes alongside professionals and people trying to grow personally is we have these maps.
00:29:44 Justin Winstead
Groups have these open coaching calls.
00:29:47 Justin Winstead
We also have what we call our friends level, networking events and so some of these are online.
00:29:51 Justin Winstead
Some of these are in person, but these are meant just to facilitate relationships.
00:29:56 Justin Winstead
We have an online community.
00:29:57 Justin Winstead
We kind of have almost like a Facebook but not a Facebook where you can log on and you can comment like react, share posts you can engage with others on that and build.
00:30:08 Justin Winstead
That community, and so lots of different ways to interact, but we really want to encourage you out there to make sure that you are in a Community and this is especially for those believers out there.
00:30:20 Justin Winstead
The enemy has told you that it's OK that you try to walk your faith out in isolation, that it's really just meant to be one on one and nobody else.
00:30:28 Justin Winstead
But let me just call that out and say that's a lie.
00:30:30 Justin Winstead
You really need other believers walking alongside you in your your faithwalk.
00:30:35 Justin Winstead
You need to be a part of a biblical community where you're spurring one another on to good works.
00:30:40 Justin Winstead
You're meeting together regularly and you are doing these things that we talked about, so really any improver, anybody in any walk of life needs community, but the believers to improve how you live, learn, work and play.
00:30:53 Justin Winstead
Unique community more than ever.
00:30:54 Kinzie Harvell
Right and the Lord talks about how he he existed in community from the beginning.
00:31:00 Kinzie Harvell
It was the father, son and Holy Spirit.
00:31:02 Kinzie Harvell
And so and he created us in his image and so.
00:31:05 Kinzie Harvell
I don't want you to think that it's you're needy.
00:31:08 Kinzie Harvell
If you need a community, no.
00:31:10 Kinzie Harvell
That's the way you were designed to live is in community with others.
00:31:14 Justin Winstead
Yeah, and you may even have to adjust the community you're in.
00:31:16 Justin Winstead
You may look at and say you know what my community is not in line with my life purpose in my life mission.
00:31:21 Justin Winstead
My community has different values.
00:31:24 Justin Winstead
Then I have they're draining my energy, and so if those things are happening, you may have to make a very difficult decision to start minimizing the time and effort that you put into that community, and start seeking out another one.
00:31:37 Justin Winstead
And this single step could be the biggest differentiator for some of you out there if.
00:31:43 Justin Winstead
You just look.
00:31:44 Justin Winstead
At the fact that you either don't have a community or you're in the wrong one, and you take steps getting into the right one, it can have a significant impact on the trajectory of your life, and so we just really want to encourage you in that.
00:31:55 Justin Winstead
Because life is Better Together, we're stronger, we're faster together, and if you're just like that flock of geese, you know that it's flying through the sky.
00:32:03 Justin Winstead
If you get a community together and you're flying in that V, you're just going to go faster and farther.
00:32:08 Justin Winstead
If you do it together and we just want to encourage in that here at the improver network.
00:32:13 Justin Winstead
Well, this wraps up our second part of this.
00:32:15 Justin Winstead
Three part series, and so we hope that you'll join us on next week's episode as we really get into coaching. And how if you combine the right content with the right community and the right coaching, how that action that trifecta can really just supercharge your results and help you to improve.
00:32:31 Justin Winstead
Even better, in the areas that matter most, but thanks again for joining us and we'll look forward to chatting with you.
00:32:36 Justin Winstead
Next time, so yeah.
